Jordan Female

Any holiday I spend with my dad is ...special. And this year's thanksgiving didn't fail me.

One year he baked a cherry pie (his favorite) and walked it all over the house, gloating, like he was going to eat it all and we wouldn't be able to have any. He dropped it on the oriental rug right before we were supposed to cut it.

Last year I found out my uncle had an affair and brought my black cousin into the world. And, I also found out that my other cousin had declared himself king of the isle of mann. (royaltyofmann.com)

This year was no different.. The same uncle from above got married last weekend. He met his new wife at work. Unfortunately, he was fired from his job when his boss found out about their relationship. He was her AA counselor.

The really great part of today was the inchworm that my dad found on his sweater around 3:00. Instead of killing it, putting it outside, putting in on a plant, putting it anywhere... he kept it on his sweater and named it "his little buddy." It stayed on his sweater, crawling from one shoulder to the other, from chest to back, throughout dinner and dessert. He finally moved it to the armrest on the couch after we had tea. And when my cousin knocked it off into the cushions accidentally, my dad picked up the cushions, found the inchworm, and put it back on the couch.

I think he's gone funny after obama was elected.

I guess I should preface this by saying my neighborhood is full of couples over the age of 50. And they all like their quiet. So, when I came home last night and could hear a bass and drum beat from my closed windows, I thought, man, the neighbors are not as boring as I thought.

And of course, the most logical thing for me to do was resurrect my freshman year self and walk over. So I did.

It turns out the 90-some year old woman that lived in one of the houses on my road had made the big switch to assisted living, and this 20-year old girl, rolling on e, was taking care of the place for her.

I met a group of teenagers (one of whom was also rolling and apparently supplied half of the party with it) as soon as I walked up. They gave me a beer and I talked to one of them for about twenty minutes about why he chose not to go to college. Apparently, he attended public high school illegally, and had to drop out in his second semester of his senior year. He wasn't planning on going to college anyway, because he thought he could learn just as much by going to "parties like this" and "conversating" with people like me. I'm not dragging on people who don't go to college, just this guy, because I'm sure he had enough holes in his brain to strain lettuce.

A bunch of people were sitting next to a campfire, so I pulled up a chair and was almost pounced on by a guy named Pie. And immediately, he started telling me this story about a girl he used to date (a girl I actually rode with when I was in middle school), and how he beat the shit out of three of my friends single handedly when the girl broke up with him. He didn't know they were my friends. Then he asked me if I wanted some e, and I'm like, wtf is up with EVERYONE here rolling? The kicker of the whole Pie story is that he had a blue heeler puppy named Levy with him that he got five days ago. I told him that I was going to take the puppy home with me because I tell that to everyone who has adorable soft puppies, and he said, "Sure, just as long as you give me your phone number and promise to hang out with me." Really?

How many of you would give up a puppy for a girl's phone number? The teenager rolling said he would...but he doesn't count.

be happier.

1) This is my second cousin: http://www.royaltyofman.com/
His name is David Howe.
He paid a lot of $$ to trace his lineage back to the 1200s and found out, WHOA! he's a descendant of one of the last rulers of the Isle of Man.
No.
Really.
Funny thing is, if he did it the right way, going through the oldest male and everything my dad would be the rightful heir.
My father.
The spy.
Oh, and all of the citizens of the Isle of Man hate him. A lot. because he's actually trying to RULE!!
Imagine that! My second cousin!

B) I also found out I have a black first cousin because my uncle Richard knocked up a black woman 23 or some years ago! Apparently the rest of my family has known about it for a few months, but I just found out about it yesterday because I'm left out of everything.

And it sucks living out far away from all the people i love, but whatever. I guess.
happy boxing day.

i miss my friends. boo hoo.

i'm home. i have a job in martinsburg, WESTvirginia at the ritzy camera there. WooHOO... If you wanna buy a camera.. head on over the mountain, k?

i hate clarke county, but i don't really hate it... i'm just not willing to admit that yet.

I passed pchem, i'm bored, it's raining and i can't ride my horse

BUT I'M GOING TO CHRISTINA'S TONIGHT WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO! <3<3<3<3<3

you want what you want but you don't want to be on your knees

tomorrow's st patricks day and i don't want to drink jameson all day. blehhh.

it's rain/sleeting and i'm afraid to leave the house to get my shower caddy from my car b/c 1. it might have a broken window and i would have to go through that whole cop ordeal again. and 2. i don't want to get my new flats fucked up. ass of me to bring only one pair of shoes into the house.

my mom and i went riding yesterday before i left and we went to this neighboring farm that has a couple of ponies and one of these:



it was super adorable and had giant ears and white eyelashes. it was a lot cuter than this one. but you get the idea. zonkey!

my car was broken into tuesday. If my camera hadn't been taken, I would have taken pictures of it, the glass was quite a sight, and also fun to play with.

Fun story. A guy who lived about a block away saw the whole thing happen from the other side of the street (he was sitting in his own parked car) and the man who "did not have permission to break into my car" saw him suddenly, and casually got out of the car with most of my pretty possessions. He followed him in his car, saw him walk into a bar, and then drove back to the neighbors' houses and started knocking on doors to see if anyone saw what had just happened. He found Ed, the next door neighbor of my other abode in philadelphia and Ed quickly jumped into this man's car and said, "Come on, let's get the guy!" So the drove back to the bar, waited until the guy walked out, and tackled him against the roof of the car. Then the police came and I was called and none of my things were recovered.

I hate crack heads.

I am at the new home, it is boring and sad and lonely and i miss you guys. I don't really know what to do with myself until i leave for potown, to be back with the everyone minus one again. my phone doesn't get service anywhere in the house, so no one can hear me when i call them, even though they get the call. I guess they don't build cell phone towers in counties that only have 14,000 people.

i guess it's a relief that the school is over.
and my hairs are pretty. thanksiss alex.

i would give anything to be back there right now, or really on a plane, because that's where he is.
do i really have to spend another year like this? i don't think i can take it.
I see myself dying alone and cold with rain pouring down.

Or maybe that's just how I feel; in a strange empty house with no cell phone service, no food, and a bed meant for one jordan and one ----field.

war.

war.

war.

war.

war.

war.

peace?

NEVER.

i finally met my male counterpart last night. after a very long and intense two and a half year period, we connected at the meridian for doug's show. it was utter bliss! oh hoorah!
both sam and my hearts lurched when we stepped outside of the leafe and realized a few minutes later that we could not find him. "jordan male!" we shouted. then from across scotland street we hear the call, 'Joooooooordan feemaaaaaleeee.'
seriously. it was the best.

stepping back to friday night. i saw the departed with zgb, amy, and the rza.. i recommend.

oh and you suck.
i hope you die.

There are wine glasses scattered all over my desk, i had a dream last night that:
1. i was at a house party looking for someone to tell them something. arthur followed me into the bathroom, beat the living shit out of me and left me bruised and bloody.
2. i was a lesbian and had a cutie girlfriend. i don't know if this was separate or if it was why arthur beat me up.
i got acid on my face today in lab, it burned like hell.. i took a wet paper towel and wiped it off but now there's a little red spot on my cheeck. damnnnn nitric acid.
i slept for a very long time today.

i'm sorry i wore the dress friday night.
i had a temperature of 102 the next morning if it makes you feel any better.
...i thought we still were friends.

I mean, just kidding. You're a fucking twat.

i've forgotten how to study.

i have not forgotten, however, how to cut my hair in the bathroom sink.

my mommy came to visit me yesterday because i was so sick i could die. now i miss her. we went to the blue talon and i got the burger. it reminded me an awful lot of the time jules and i went on our pseudo date. i got the burger then too. jules! i miss you!

So i left for richmond yesterday around lunch time to visit my nannie, uh, grandmother. when i got there the doctor promptly drew me a picture on a piece of napkin from nannie's lunch how exactly she broke her hip.

i did some multivariable homework, go vectors!, and then decided to take a nap around 3:00 on the bed next to nannie's that has been unoccupied for the past four days. it was great.

nannie is doing very well even though she's in a lot of pain. she did say to me though how she missed the morphine pump she was on.

So, Steve Erwin is dead. Shot to the heart. By a sting ray.

My brother's wedding was absolutely fabulous. I danced my little ass off in my little brown bridesmaid dress. And then a day later I god a facebook friend request from my brother's roommate in college. WEIRD. Grafton is no longer a virgin, and the world may rejoice. He's off to Aruba to have the best eight nights of his life before he has to actually be realistic about, well, everything.

Yesterday I got a call from my mom to say my grandmother had fallen while walking up the steps. she broke her hip and went through surgery last night, but everything is a-ok. despite the fact that she just turned 95 and talking to her on the phone makes me want to cry.

I don't want to be at school, i'd rather be other places. but.

while i wait for my little barn owls to dry..

LIFE SUCKS I HATE IT. don't want to be at home. don't want to go back to wburg. would rather just crawl in a hole and die die die diediediedie.
Living in the new dorm will be nice, i can escape through my window on jamestown rd and run down griffin street whenever i please. that would have been nice two years ago instead of having to walk from botetourt all the way to 412 for a speakeasy. TWO YEARS OHMYGOD.

and in other news i'm training my horse to follow me wherever i may go, which is hella awesome. today i taught him to put his head all the way to the ground just by putting slight pressure on his poll (that spot on the top of his head in between his ears) with my hand.. so kudos to me..and the horse.

my stepdad took some ( pictures )

..

It's strange how best friends can be separated so easily by religion and marriage, even when they're next door neighbors.

I was leaving Julia's tonight around 12, and saw corrie, who completed the trifecta of awesomeness that was julia, corrie, and me when we were growing up until the beginning of high school, and her husband of a little over a year walking around in their house with the lights on. I could have stopped, knocked on the door, given her a hug, nodded at brent.

maybe i wasn't prepared to talk about jesus. maybe i didn't really want to see a girl so happy despite the fact she wakes up and vomits every morning because of her being pregnant and all. putting on that fake god smile just creeeeps me out. especially when she and i both know we go WAYYY back, and that i could tell her godsquad hubby things that would make his skin crawl.

maybe when you become a born again christian you do forget all of the sins you committed in your earlier life.

also: watched this movie Brick with julia. excellent, would you not say, gavin?